i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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