i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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