Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
