Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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