Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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