Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
