Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
MIDGETS
????
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
