Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
