That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
