So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
