well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
