dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
