I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize