last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
