Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
