I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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