the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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