remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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