Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
