on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
