Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
