I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
