that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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