He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
