I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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