i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Someone signed my nipple.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
