I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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