if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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