Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
