I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
