just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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