You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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