Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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