I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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