i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
