Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
