The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
