my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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