I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
