he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
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