Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
