I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
