i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
