I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
