Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
