No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
