I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
