god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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