gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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