Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
