I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Less talking, more tequila
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Randomize
