I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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