What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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