Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
