he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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