the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
