He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
