My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
