im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
