I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
