The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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