i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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