there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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