He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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