dude i'm inner monologue high
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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