Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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