I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize