I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
