You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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