I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Omg I joined a choir last night...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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