Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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