You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
