i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
did i just pee glitter
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
