Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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