I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
