dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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