You're so nebulous sometimes
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I got inside last night via doggy door
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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