You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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