i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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